You will find the critical points in your life where you defy expectations.

– Ana Melikian, Ph.D.

When was a time in your life when you defied expectations? That could mean expectations you placed on yourself or others placed on you. 

Expectations can dictate how we view ourselves, our accomplishments, and even our self-worth—embracing a mindset of defiance can lead to extraordinary personal growth and accomplishment.

In this piece, I explore the pivotal points in my life where I’ve defied expectations and how that has shaped who I am today.

I discuss: 

• Rejecting gender norms and overcoming dyslexia in adolescence
• Defying expectations in language and speech
• Battling inflammatory breast cancer

Rejecting gender norms and overcoming dyslexia in adolescence

I was born into a time of defiance, right on the cusp of the Carnation Revolution that turned Portugal from a dictatorship to a democracy. It follows that I, too, would have a propensity for pushing limits and rejecting limiting expectations.

From riding my brother's bike to school instead of a girl's bike—even when it scandalized my grandmother—to studying more stereotypically “boy” topics such as science and coding.

I gained the grit to become a good student by pressing forward even with a severe struggle with dyslexia. I remember times when, on one simple page of schoolwork, I would make 30 spelling mistakes. 

My teacher didn’t hold me back. She encouraged me to keep trying and persist, persist, and persist—and I did. Even though I did not understand why I was having the challenges I was experiencing in spelling, when I excelled in other subjects, I kept going.

Later, in high school, I became an excellent student with lots of grit and determination, graduating as one of the best students in my high school. I can look back and see that I can do this—that determination and spirit of hard work have fueled a lot of my success then, and now. 

Defying expectations in language and speech

I speak three languages fluently: Portuguese, Spanish, and English. I work on those languages regularly, and I have accents in those three languages—yes, including in my native Portuguese, I have a mix of regional accents that sometimes cause people not to know where to place me.

I chose to study in England and Spain, which allowed me the chance to truly immerse myself in those other languages and embrace the unknown.

Despite my accents, I still succeed as a public speaker in all three languages. Even having a podcast with an accent is defying expectations. 

Do not let language barriers limit you. Languages are some of the most fascinating topics to study, and you’ll find commonalities across each of them that speak to the reality that we’re only as separate as we wish to be regarding how we communicate.

Battling inflammatory breast cancer

Of course, with all my achievements and persistence, the constant pace of go go go—it caught up with me in the form of breast cancer, and I was once again called to defy expectations, but not by pushing myself: by slowing down. 

I had to beat the odds of a five-year survival rate, to live to see my daughter grow up and to be there with my husband. It would require more from me than I ever had to give before. Or rather, a different type of persistence than what I’d used throughout my life thus far.

I’m still standing here now, eight years later, strong and healthy because of that new persistence. I still work hard and push limits, but not at the expense of my health.

Because of these experiences throughout my life, I know the importance of defying expectations on all sides, and an important part of that is knowing when to pause, when to increase self-awareness, and when to experiment. 

We all have moments in our lives when we can either choose to settle into expected patterns or defy those expectations and craft the life we truly want.

When have you defied expectations in your life? How has that affected the way you view yourself? What is stopping you from defying expectations?

Be sure to check out my full episode for further insights into defying expectations!